I absolutely love the “someecards”. I just feel like they get me. I often wonder if people judge me based on what I find funny, but then again, maybe that shows the silly side of me that isn’t afraid to laugh at myself. I couldn’t imagine taking myself so serious, all the time, I mean, if I didn’t have humor I could guarantee you I probably wouldn’t survive most of my days.
While talking to a friend this morning about my worries and anxieties about my middle school daughter and the complexity of her friendships. My friend says to me, “but that’s YOUR crazy, not hers.” (trust me, you need these kind of honest friends in your life!) I totally saw it from a different perspective. I was projecting MY ideas of what friendship and middle school social life should be and thereby passing the anxieties and stress on to my daughter. Without droning on and on about the specifics of middle school mayhem, I’ll summarize it by saying that sometimes my crazy slips out and I have to have a friend remind me to tuck it back in.
What makes me crazy? Well, I’m obsessive. I’m a perfectionist that can’t even let the smallest of details go. I over-think; read too much into things; over plan, over schedule; and nothing is done right unless it’s over the top. Remember in my last post I shared that I’m passionate about life? Love hard, live hard? Yeah, the struggle is real. That’s my crazy and I own it.
We all have a little bit of crazy…When I speak of “crazy” I mean the thing that makes us tick. The thing that makes us so laser-focused that we can’t help but be our truest self. It’s our “extreme true” or “wildest self”. The characteristics that take us back to our absolute core tendencies that feel like “instinct”. It’s our passion, our fury, our desires and fears.
My kids make me crazy. There are no other beings on earth that I would one minute scold with flames in my eyes, only to turn around in a matter of seconds to defend, champion or celebrate with such an intensity that can only be described as super-human. I love without limits, I worry as if it were a competitive sport. Sometimes when my children stand in front of me and I can literally see them growing before my very eyes, my throat burns as I choke back tears, because I’m proud of who they are, scared for what lies ahead that I won’t be able to protect them from, and bursting with hope and dreams for all that they will see and be!
My work makes me crazy. I have such conviction about what it means to provide quality care in Early Childhood Education, that I become obsessed with what my program can offer. I push hard. I research, advocate, pour countless hours on developing curriculum to teach other teachers how to show up to be their best. I run over events, conversations and possible outcomes over and over in my head when it comes to my work and how I want things to go. My primary focus being the welfare of the children I serve. When other professionals slack, my blood boils. I take personal offense to the shortcomings. I fight for more support, better quality, higher standards and more recognition of the field.
My crazy serves me. I don’t hide it or pretend I am not those things. I use it to drive me. I use it to guide me. I surround myself with people who understand me and accept me and remind me when the crazy is getting out of hand (like when I subconsciously pass it on to my kid), and then I check it, if it’s not helping or serving me, then I need to refocus and/or let it go. I embrace who I am and I’m thankful for the things that make me tick, but I also recognize when it’s hurting me or holding me back from reaching my ultimate goals.
My challenge to you is to identify your “crazy”. What makes you tick? What drives you to your TRUEST self and does it serve you or hinder you? Track how it has served you and what positive it has brought to your life. List the ways that it has held you back and some possible ways you could set it aside until it can be useful to helping you reach success!
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